The Truth Hurts

When I got to the conveyancing firm, the first thing the lawyers asked me was, “Why would a sentient car need to sell a house?” followed closely by, “Why does a sentient car have a house?” Yes, it’s true that I don’t need a house, but I do need a carport or garage. As to why I’m selling my house, well, things just haven’t been the same since I revealed that I am not Samuel C, but Sentient Car. My kids don’t look at me the same. My wife believes I’ve betrayed her trust. I insist that I’m the same living being they knew before. But now they can only see the truth. The red paint, the wheels, the headlights. They don’t see me as their father and husband anymore. I’m just a monster.

So I think it’s time to move out. We’ve agreed to separate for the time being, and sell our house. That’s why I’ve come to the best property conveyancing firm Melbourne has to offer. I want it done quickly and quietly. If the media get wind of this, they’ll have helicopters over our house, asking what’s wrong with my relationship. They don’t get it. They don’t get how taxing it is hiding that you’re a car, not a man, for so many years. All they want is the scoop.

Getting a vendor’s statement done shouldn’t be too hard. The house is in great condition, so there isn’t anything major that will need to be addressed. We’ve got a great view of the beach, and nice yard space. There are a lot of memories here. I’ll be sad to see it go. Looking back, I wish I’d been more truthful about being a car. I just didn’t want to deal with the shame. The publicity. Everybody wants to know how it happened, and the answer is always the same. I was driven into a nuclear power plant. That’s all there is to it. So I hid the truth. And now I wish I’d made the right choice before it became too late.

– Samuel C.