Careers

I don’t really want to be a lord, but everybody in my family expects it of me. Especially my father. He has been a king ever since he turned twenty and took the throne from his father, and he expects that any day now I will try to steal the throne from him. It’s the vicious cycle of our little kingdom but I don’t really want to follow in the footsteps of my ancestors.

Not many people realise that Melbourne still has a kingdom. We are in the north-east of the city, taking up the size of approximately one suburb. Most people here like to pretend that we are still living in the dark ages, but every once in a while somebody with a smartphone and an online blog (like myself) comes along and breaks the immersion. I don’t really understand why anybody would want to pretend they live in the darkest period of the world’s history, though. Father says I will understand when I am older, but I don’t think I will.

Oh, if only I could get career change advice near Melbourne and become something other than a noble, but I’m afraid that doesn’t really count as a career in the first place. Would I even qualify for career counselling? I doubt it.

All I want is to settle down with that peasant girl I’m hopelessly in love with, even though she will always see me as an entitled brat who contributes to the system of oppression she and her father live under (by choice, mind you). If I could just find a career counsellor within Melbourne who was willing to help me change, maybe Alice would notice me. If I could become a simple cobbler, butcher or blacksmith, would we have a chance of being together?

I doubt it. Once, I tried talking to Alice in the street, and she said that she would rather swallow a bucket of lard than hang out with anybody related to King Carrion II. That’s probably not a good sign.

I think it might be time for a career change. Have you ever heard of those medieval re-enactment banquets? Basically hundreds of people sit around a big arena and get brought tankards full of ale and roast chickens to feast on, while a medieval show is put on before their very eyes. They can pretend to be kings and queens while all of the poor actors get put in hot and heavy suits of armour and proceed to get bashed for entertainment purposes.

Yeah, well, I’m one of those poor actors. That’s why I’m thinking about some career change advice. ‘Melbourne actor’ doesn’t tend to generate a lot of interest online though, so I’m stuck here for now. It would be a great job if I got to be one of the big main knights, but I am always given the role of an unnamed knight who dies in painful and horrible ways. It’s not fun. Sometimes I get roasted by a dragon, impaled with a lance during the jousting tourney or beheaded in battle. And those have just been this week! 

Apparently one of the lead actors is thinking about moving on, though, so there’s a spot up for grabs. If I can get the promotion, I’ll have the crowd cheering for me every night instead of being dragged off the arena and waiting for my next gruesome death. If I don’t get the job, then I think I will need to find a good career consultant near Melbourne. I’m willing to do anything as long as it doesn’t involve pretending to die.

Honestly, I’ve always wanted to get into stage production. Whether that’s through acting or anything else, I don’t really mind. One day I’d love to work on Broadway. It’s a big goal, I know, but I think it’s important to set your sights on something like that, as opposed to, oh I don’t know, not being eaten by a fake dragon.