Hardware

If we were going to stop Evil Space Wizard from taking over Victoria, we would need some supplies. That’s why Ms Frankie and I went on a secret mission to Cheltenham, to get some equipment for our battle against Space Wizard’s darker half. 

Meanwhile, the real Space Wizard and Archerak had some issues to move past. After Archerak liquified Space Wizard, the two have some real tension. I told them to work it out before we returned from our mission. 

Ms Frankie and I found a couple of bikes and began our ride to get building supplies. Near Cheltenham, we’d pick up a big bike basket to put the supplies in, which I found online. 

“How long have you been teaching primary school?” I asked to pass the time. Ms Frankie raised her eyebrows as if my question somehow surprised her. 

“I taught the year sixes for seven years,” she said, “and the year threes for only one semester. I hope we can beat this Evil Space Wizard soon. I’ve had enough of this nonsense and just want to get back to the classroom.”

“Why did you audition for Next Top Office in the first place, if you want to go back to teaching?”

“You ask a lot of questions, Bandit,” she said with a smirk. “I entered the competition so I could prove to my students that anything is possible. If a primary school teacher can design the best office in Victoria, then nothing should be able to hold them back in life. Let me ask you something in return. What are you going to do if the hardware store is closed?”

I thought about it for a moment. “I’m sure there’s a hardware store around Bentleigh we could go to. Why do you ask?”

“I think it’s interesting to see how people react when things don’t go to plan. Improvisation is a skill, you know? So I’m measuring you up. Seeing how important it is for you to stick to a plan. You could have instead told me that the shop was definitely open, so there’s no point in considering it. But you’re flexible. I like that.”

Interesting. What a strange woman.

I can’t believe my book is selling so well! Who would have thought that people actually wanted to read a story about a simple plumber going about his daily life in Melbourne? Definitely not me, that’s for sure. I just assumed that this was a book which would never see the light of day. I only sent it to one agent, Janet McCallom, who rejected it pretty quickly. After that, I wasn’t even going to try to get it published.

This was purely a passion project and I was totally fine with that. I got the idea while getting some plumbing supplies in the Cheltenham area. Looking down at a plunger, I just had a sudden urge to write this story. Who is this plumber? Where is he from? Where is he going? Where does he live? They were questions I had to answer.

It was only when I attended the Victorian Festival for Writers That Don’t Want to Be Published and met an editor from HarpyColons that the publishing ball started rolling. I started talking to an editor, explaining what my book was about, and why I thought it shouldn’t be published. The editor pretended that he was there for reasons other than to find an author to publish, but as I finished my summary of the book, he pulled me aside and told me that he’d love to read it and maybe even buy it. It was against the rules of the convention, but I went along with it. Why not?

The next thing I know, I’m at my book launch, held at the hardware store close to Bentleigh where I first had the inspiration for this book. It just felt right to have it there. Thousands of people lined up for the launch at 5 am. I couldn’t believe it. One week later, it was official: New York Space bestseller. People loved the non-adventures of Jack “Double G” Plumbington. Now there’s pressure to write a sequel, but I’m really not sure l have it in me. I’d rather write a book about a mechanic next, or even better, an air conditioner repair company.