Creature Creation

I can’t believe they are still making Poke-pet games. It’s clear they ran out of ideas for the series years ago, but somehow they’re still releasing game after game, each with hundreds of new Poke-pets. There must be over a thousand of them by now. At what point will the creators look at themselves and realise they’re releasing literal rubbish? I’m not kidding. Years ago they realised they could turn anything into a Poke-pet. That’s when Garbage Monster climbed out of the sewer and into their game. Like, hey, somebody should really call a drain plumber to deal with this thing. When your only ideas are garbage and ice cream monsters, you have a problem.

And yet somehow they’re still going and people are still buying their games. I don’t understand it. I could make the creatures just as easily as they do. All I have to do is hire drain cleaning around Melbourne, get the plumber to give me a heap of disgusting clogs from my drain, then draw a picture of it. Next I just throw some eyes on and call it cute. Give me a job already, Freaky Games. 

I’ve got a few more ideas for Poke-pets, if they’re interested. Although I think they’ll just walk into a grocery store, point at a watermelon, say “Give it a mouth and arms” and call it a day. Now that I think about that, they’ve been doing that from the start. Rock with arms and a face. Snake with a face. Bigger snake with a face. Lettuce with a face. I’m starting to see a pattern here.

So, Freaky Games, here’s my idea. I got it while getting ready for a run this morning. I looked at my shoes and thought, “That would make a good Poke-pet.” Just give a sneaker a face, have it evolve into a boot at some point, and make sure it looks similar to a previous Poke-pet. I think I’ve got your formula down. Can I have a job yet?