Drains

I have never liked anything that is dirty. I don’t like germs, I don’t like animals and I most definitely do not like disgusting things like sewerage or plumbing. There would be no amount of money in the world that could get me to do any sort of job that involved getting dirty, and seriously I don’t know how tradespeople, especially plumbers, do it. It makes me feel sick to think that people would actually willingly touch that stuff, regardless of whether they’re getting paid insane amounts of money or not. People say that my fear of dirt and getting dirty is irrational. They’ll be saying otherwise when they’ve gotten sick from too many germs.

I can’t even imagine having to get down in the sewers (is that how it works, I don’t even know) and do a sewer replacement. Melbourne sewers would be absolutely disgusting with the amount of people we have living here, I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. It would be an absolute nightmare to be anywhere near something like that. 

The only germy thing I ever touch is my phone, and I make sure to sanitise my hands before and after when I do so. You just can’t be too careful when it comes to germs. One wrong move and you’re sick for weeks. 

Now the reason I’ve brought this up in the first place is because my son-in-law has just started a new career as a plumber, and will be completing his apprenticeship for the next four years. He’s going to be doing everything that makes my stomach feel genuinely ill, and apparently he’s going to enjoy it. He’ll be doing everything from unclogging sinks to drain unblocking. Essendon, where he will be located, will have the cleanest drains in the world thanks to him. I know he’ll do a good job, but seriously, at what cost? Makes me feel sick.

I can’t believe they are still making Poke-pet games. It’s clear they ran out of ideas for the series years ago, but somehow they’re still releasing game after game, each with hundreds of new Poke-pets. There must be over a thousand of them by now. At what point will the creators look at themselves and realise they’re releasing literal rubbish? I’m not kidding. Years ago they realised they could turn anything into a Poke-pet. That’s when Garbage Monster climbed out of the sewer and into their game. Like, hey, somebody should really call a drain plumber to deal with this thing. When your only ideas are garbage and ice cream monsters, you have a problem.

And yet somehow they’re still going and people are still buying their games. I don’t understand it. I could make the creatures just as easily as they do. All I have to do is hire drain cleaning around Melbourne, get the plumber to give me a heap of disgusting clogs from my drain, then draw a picture of it. Next I just throw some eyes on and call it cute. Give me a job already, Freaky Games. 

I’ve got a few more ideas for Poke-pets, if they’re interested. Although I think they’ll just walk into a grocery store, point at a watermelon, say “Give it a mouth and arms” and call it a day. Now that I think about that, they’ve been doing that from the start. Rock with arms and a face. Snake with a face. Bigger snake with a face. Lettuce with a face. I’m starting to see a pattern here.

So, Freaky Games, here’s my idea. I got it while getting ready for a run this morning. I looked at my shoes and thought, “That would make a good Poke-pet.” Just give a sneaker a face, have it evolve into a boot at some point, and make sure it looks similar to a previous Poke-pet. I think I’ve got your formula down. Can I have a job yet?