Archerak’s Office Machinations

Nobody believed me when I said that I would be exterminating Space Wizard on the first day of the competition, so naturally, it was the first thing I did upon arriving in Sweden, Victoria. There are few things that can bring joy when you’ve spent the last few thousand years dwelling in an undead state. Still, the faces of the other contestants, the producers and production crew made me smile wider than I ever had before. My jaw even fell off and that’s not a joke.

That’s why ‘power, word, liquify’ is my favourite spell. It just leaves people completely shocked. Sorry Space Wizard, but you can’t compete when you’re just a puddle. The producers said that everything was on the cards. It’s just a shame that the cameras weren’t rolling at the time. Oh well, I guess this season of Next Top Office is having five contestants.

I’ve got a few other tricks up my sleeve to ensure I win, one of which is doing the best glass frosting installation Melbourne has ever seen. I assume that the other contestants will be doing window tinting instead. Not me. Glass frosting is much more elegant. And the best part is that I can create it with a few magical words and a wave of my Staff of the One Who Is Not Remembered. I’m going to win this competition easily. Then I’ll teleport around the cosmos to collect a tonne of gold coins, bringing them back to Earth and having them melted down into a giant trophy that I’ll show off on top of Big Ben.

The others will probably be hiring commercial window tinting businesses. Melbourne has some good ones, but I can save time by using magic, which isn’t against the rules. Honestly, this whole competition is a little unfair, but I don’t care since I’m the one profiting off it. Well, technically I’m not profiting at all since this is for a sick girl named Charity or something. But by the end of Australia’s Next Top Office season two, everyone will know my name, and that’s all I’ve ever really wanted.

– Archerak