The Mechanic’s Companion

I kept telling them while they were threatening to lock me up in here: I’m innocent. It’s not even a case of everyone in here saying the same thing, because the inhabitants of this secure facility are out-and-proud evil. They know their actions were utterly immoral, every last one of them, and they can’t wait to get out so they can build freeze rays and the likes.

By the way, there’s a device that instantly gives people a bushy afro hairstyle if they get caught in the radius. I was tricked into being a test subject for the latest version and my hair ended up interfering with ceiling fans for weeks.

As I keep trying to explain, I was trying to make things easier for stainless steel fabrication companies in Melbourne. Repairing boats and underwater welding is quite a formidable task, and sometimes requires people to be underwater for extended periods. It’s also just a little clunky overall, with boats best kept in the water and making the marine welding process difficult for the larger ones. I just thought that maybe, to expedite the installation of bait boards and such, I’d construct some mechanical helpers. Bait board helpers.

Okay, they look a little bit scary, with their entire upper body looking like a metal octopus and their lower body, legs with sharp flippers. But that’s so they can carry tools, and swim around underwater! The glowing red eyes are for easy identification underwater, and at night. The tensile gripping force of the tentacles had to be immense; it’s not like stainless steel marine fabricators can get away with just using light materials. And yes, while almost two-hundred prototypes all creepily lined up in a warehouse is excessive, I’m pioneering a new technology here. 

Oh, and that one that attacked the soldiers when they bust in was faulty. I even labelled it, ‘faulty’. I was gonna take it apart the next day.

Look, long story short, I wasn’t building an evil robot octopus army. I’m a friend of all marine fabricators, snapper rack fellows and fishing rod holder installers, everywhere. So you don’t need to put me to work on an invention that’ll help marine fabrication experts do their jobs; I already made one!!

-Dr S. Miles McSweet