Today I finally get to unleash my experiment. It’s been a long time in the making, and cost me millions of dollars to make. But it will all be worth it to win the world record for the largest artificial tornado. I don’t think there’s any prize money or anything, but my name will be in the history books. I’ve been gathering air conditioning units from Canberra and combining them into a super air conditioner. I’ve contacted all of the local news stations, telling them to keep their eyes on the skies for a tornado of mass destruction. This is going to be a global event.
Typically, they called me mad and said they’d be calling the authorities, but I didn’t tell them where I was located, so there’s no way they could find me. It has been pretty hard to keep this project secret, though. People tend to notice a giant block of stolen air conditioners over the highway, but I’ve put up a sign saying it’s just an art project. And I’ve had to get constant air conditioning services. Canberra technicians have asked a few questions, but I think I deflected them pretty well. I was Prime Minister for a while, after all.
Oh, you hadn’t worked it out? That’s right, I’m Bruce Maloney, former PM. What, you’ve never heard of me? Well, I was rubbed out of history for being the most ineffective and shortest serving PM in the history of Australia. I’m not surprised. That’s why I’ve come up with this scheme, using my pension money. I’m not worried about the police either, because with my single day in office I passed the Free All the Convicts Act 1996. It states that all current and future air conditioner-related felonies committed by a former Prime Minister be pardoned immediately. I was allowed to pass a single bill for agreeing to step down quietly and be replaced by John Howard, and that’s the one I chose. World’s biggest tornado, here we come!