Not Cool, Guys

Seriously? You guys are still sending me threatening messages because of my opinion on the new direction of Sponge Boy, even after I specifically asked you not to? Not cool. This is just like when I said that The Last Space Monk was a good movie. You people really need to stop harassing others just because they have a different opinion than you.

Anyway, you’ve forced me to take drastic action. That’s right, I’m actually going to dissect the latest episode of Sponge Boy and prove why it is now objective garbage. I didn’t want to do this, because it would be ruining the show for many of my readers, but you’ve left me with no choice.

Let’s start with the opening scene, in which Sponge Boy is fixing a couple of Bayside air conditioning units. What’s wrong with this scene? Well, let’s start with the fact that it’s extremely repetitive. The last five episodes have all featured Sponge Boy fixing an air conditioner, with barely any changes. The scenes are the same every time. At least when Sponge Boy was working at the Rusty Lobster, he had a bunch of unique challenges to deal with, including a stingy boss and a mean co-worker. Now that Sponge Boy works for his own company, however, there is no conflict in these scenes.

What happens next? Well, after completing the air conditioning job, Sponge Boy says that he needs to fix more devices for heating and cooling around Dandenong before he can go home. I think this is intended as some kind of joke, but it’s seriously unfunny. Overworking kills literally thousands of people every year, and in the scene, it is clearly 9 pm. This isn’t something that should be made fun of, and it is conditioning today’s impressionable children to think that they have to work massive overtime. 

From there, the episode is all downhill, with Sponge Boy and Jerry going to a park that quickly gets turned into a big battle zone, with them having to escape with their lives. It’s probably the most boring thing I’ve ever seen.

So, there you have it. Definitive proof that the new Sponge Boy episodes are horrible. You’re welcome.