Boiling Gas Heating

Heating / By

My wife and I have a pretty different marriage to most other married couples. The reason for this is entirely on her. She’s such an independent person that she never wants to spend any time with me, and that’s hurt our relationship quite a bit. She even turns up the heater to thirty degrees every single day. Thirty-degree gas heating in Sydney… literally no one else I know does that.

The thing is though, it seems like she’s completely happy in our relationship. I’ve told my friends about everything she’s been doing and they have said that they think it means she wants a divorce, but she has never said anything to make me think that. Every day she tells me she loves me and gives me a nice big hug before bed. So why doesn’t she want to spend any time with me? 

I used to try spending time with her but she would just keep turning the heater up higher and higher until it was impossible for me to even be in the same room as her. When I realised that spending time together was a thing of the past, I bought a TV for our other living room and that is how we’ve spent our days ever since. It makes me pretty sad but I love her too much to leave. 

Last month on one of the rare occasions that we spent more than ten minutes together, she told me that she wants to install ducted gas heating. Sydney is a hot place. There’s no way we need ducted heating. It kind of made me feel like maybe she actually does want a divorce. I asked her if she did and she thought I meant that I did, which isn’t the case. But I can’t live in a house where I feel like I’m going to faint every hour or so. Love is hard.

 

Traditional Cross Earrings

Earrings / By

I’ve been wearing my “new” (generations old) earrings for a month now. I was instantly captivated by them. I had never seen them in person before, but as soon as I did it was as if something clicked inside me. It felt like I found what has been missing my entire life. I didn’t even know that there was something missing until I felt myself become whole again. It was like this mystical healing happened within myself. I’ll remember that feeling for the rest of my life.

Something is also extremely peculiar about the earrings, which has made me wonder whether my family history may actually be true. But yeah, to my family the earrings are in the shape of a moth. To my friends though, they see nothing but cross earrings. When I told them that the earrings are actually in the shape of a moth, they looked at me like I was absolutely crazy and potentially unable to differentiate one shape from another. I quickly dropped the subject with my friends, but asked a random person in the street what shape my earrings were in. They said that the earrings looked like your stock-standard cross earrings, and they were certain about it. 

I was never told by my family that people who aren’t related to us can’t see the earrings clearly. It was actually a shock to me that they thought I was wearing normal Melbourne made earrings. No one can tell that they’re centuries old, even though they definitely look like it. The whole situation around the earrings is very peculiar. I don’t believe in magic, but maybe I’m wrong not to believe. After one month of being the rightful owner of the earrings, I already feel more empowered, sure of myself and ready to take on the world. 

I wonder if this feeling will get stronger over time. If it does, there really won’t be anything that I can’t do.  

Bathroom Appreciation

Renovations / By

I feel sick this morning. I don’t know whether that’s because I ate something questionable, or if I’m nervous to go to work or if the universe just hates me, but I feel sick and can’t move from the bathroom. I’ve been in here with my head resting against the sink since 4:00am and it doesn’t look like I’m going to be leaving anytime soon. I guess my coworkers are going to have to do that massive presentation without me, which is no loss for me as long as they don’t think I’m purposely missing it. I don’t know if I’d rather spend my day in the bathroom or do that presentation, but I think the bathroom would be the more suitable choice.

Seeing as I’ve been lying here for four hours now, I’ve had a lot of time to appreciate my recent bathroom renovations. In Melbourne, renovators are truly the best in the business, and I’m glad that I have a job that pays me enough to be able to hire the best. Obviously, my job stresses me out to the point of being physically ill, but at least I get to be ill in a very luxurious bathroom. Everything evens out in the end.

But seriously, they did such a great job. I’ve never looked at my bathroom this closely before, or from this angle, and every finish is of the highest quality. Even though my bathroom was expensive, I definitely got value for money and it is probably one of the best bathroom renovations in Australia.

I hope that I feel less sick soon. I’ve taken a sick day, obviously, but it would be nice to be able to enjoy one of my very rare days off. I usually work 6-7 days per week just because of how busy we are, so it would be nice not to feel sick for the rest of the day.

Not Cool, Guys

Cooling / By

Seriously? You guys are still sending me threatening messages because of my opinion on the new direction of Sponge Boy, even after I specifically asked you not to? Not cool. This is just like when I said that The Last Space Monk was a good movie. You people really need to stop harassing others just because they have a different opinion than you.

Anyway, you’ve forced me to take drastic action. That’s right, I’m actually going to dissect the latest episode of Sponge Boy and prove why it is now objective garbage. I didn’t want to do this, because it would be ruining the show for many of my readers, but you’ve left me with no choice.

Let’s start with the opening scene, in which Sponge Boy is fixing a couple of Bayside air conditioning units. What’s wrong with this scene? Well, let’s start with the fact that it’s extremely repetitive. The last five episodes have all featured Sponge Boy fixing an air conditioner, with barely any changes. The scenes are the same every time. At least when Sponge Boy was working at the Rusty Lobster, he had a bunch of unique challenges to deal with, including a stingy boss and a mean co-worker. Now that Sponge Boy works for his own company, however, there is no conflict in these scenes.

What happens next? Well, after completing the air conditioning job, Sponge Boy says that he needs to fix more devices for heating and cooling around Dandenong before he can go home. I think this is intended as some kind of joke, but it’s seriously unfunny. Overworking kills literally thousands of people every year, and in the scene, it is clearly 9 pm. This isn’t something that should be made fun of, and it is conditioning today’s impressionable children to think that they have to work massive overtime. 

From there, the episode is all downhill, with Sponge Boy and Jerry going to a park that quickly gets turned into a big battle zone, with them having to escape with their lives. It’s probably the most boring thing I’ve ever seen.

So, there you have it. Definitive proof that the new Sponge Boy episodes are horrible. You’re welcome.

Bad Practise

Dentistry / By

I wouldn’t usually do this, but I think I need to share with the world my recent experience at the local dentist. I’m the last person who would want to give a negative review to a local business, because I know how greatly impacted they are by such reviews (having owned a small business myself), but people need to know the truth about this place. And the truth is that their dentists dress up as clowns, or perhaps they employ clowns who can pretend to be dentists. I truly cannot recommend this place in good faith. If you want a dentist you can trust, choose literally any other.

I know that this area has much better dentists. I once went to the best Cheltenham dentist, according to my brother-in-law, and there were no clown dentists there. I’m sure you can find a dentist that is less strange, regardless of what you need. There really is no need to go to this particular dentist, unless you like the idea of having clown dentists work on your teeth.

How did this even happen? All I wanted was to get an invisalign, which would have been the perfect method of teeth correction for me, but I’m not letting clowns do it. Surely the owner of this dental practice had a friend or a neighbour who could have advised them against making such a strange business. Maybe their friend was just too afraid to hurt their feelings. In my opinion, if that did really happen, the friend should have just told them the truth. Now lots of people are going to be afraid of dentists, believing that all dentists dress like clowns.

Maybe I’m overreacting, but I think this review is more than fair. Unfortunately, I have to give this dentist one star out of five. If you need to visit the dentist, do yourself a favour and stay away from Laughing Dentists.

Necessary Roadworthy

Cars / By

I have a really bad track record with buying second hand cars. I’m not sure what it is. I don’t know if I’m just too trusting, too naive or if the people I’ve bought my cars off are just really good liars. But whatever it is, I’ve had enough. I’m about to buy my third second hand car because the first two failed me after a couple of months, and this time I’ve decided to get it assessed by a professional.

I will not be buying the car unless it comes with a roadworthy certificate. Frankston has a lot of second hand cars for sale, which should hopefully make this process easier. If someone refuses to provide me with a roadworthy certificate, then I will not buy their car. I’ve been too lenient about this before but I’ve learnt from my mistakes. 

Once the car owner has supplied me with a roadworthy certificate, I am going to have an auto mechanic in Frankston do a full assessment of the car. I’m not going to tell the car owner that I’m doing that in case they try to stop me, but I’m not buying a car without an overall picture of how it’s going to run and how long it will last. I’ve made this mistake too many times before and it’s cost me a lot of money. It’s worth spending a little extra on assessing the car if it means I save money in the long run.

I’ve just had a car assessed. It’s great! My mechanic said that there’s nothing wrong with the car and that he would buy it if he were in my position. I’m stoked. I’m really hoping that I’ll have this car for the next ten or so years. The next car I buy will be a brand new one, which is awesome, but I need time to save money until then. I won’t be able to buy a new car if I have to keep fixing an old one.

Car Breakdown Escape

Cars / By

I’m a firm believer that in life, you win some and you lose some. Everything happens for a reason and things even out in the wash. Okay, that’s probably enough sayings for the time being, but they all have a lot of truth to them. Take it from me, I just had one of the worst days of my life to date and I really believe that it’s happened for a reason. 

Let me set the scene for you. I finished work early for the specific reason of going home and surprising my girlfriend who was at home studying for her exams. I was going to ask her to marry me and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Well, I ended up walking in on her kissing one of her closest friends who she always told me not to worry about. I fell back and almost leapt out of the house, in a desperate attempt to be anywhere other than there. 

I sped away in my car and I could see her following me in her car in the distance. Then something in my rearview mirror caught my eye. Her car had stopped and she had her hazards on. It looked like something was wrong and then she needed an auto repair. Adelaide is a small city and so I decided to take that as an opportunity to drive as far away as possible. The old me would have turned around and come to her rescue, but I couldn’t believe what I had just seen so I had to keep going. I had to get away.

I didn’t even stop to think about whether or not the car mechanic got to her in time. Usually, I would be so concerned about her wellbeing and want to be there for her. But at that moment I was only concerned about my own wellbeing. I just saw the love of my life kissing her best friend. I was a mess.

Berry Important Car Service

Cars / By

I’m obsessed with berries. Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, you name it, I love it. Every year whilst they’re in season, I drive down to the berry farms just outside of Cambridge, Tasmania, and I fill up four 1kg tubs with berries. The 4kg of berries usually lasts me about six months, and when I run out I begrudgingly eat the berries from the supermarket until I can go to the berry farms again. 

This year, on my way home from a very successful berry-haul I realised that something was wrong with my car. In the middle of a hot spring day with 4kgs of berries in the car, I wasn’t willing to risk my car breaking down. Once picked, the berries need to be frozen or refrigerated or they’ll go bad. There was no way I was going to waste 4kg worth of berries because I ignored my car problems, and so, I drove straight to the local mechanic to get a car service. Near Cambridge, this wasn’t too difficult, as everything is pretty close by.

When I was at the mechanic shop, I asked if I could borrow their fridge. They looked confused, but once I explained that I had 4kg of berries in the back seat, they agreed. I was relieved that my berries were nice and cool whilst the mechanic checked out my car. As it turned out, I was right to get my car checked. Apparently, something was wrong with battery in my car and I desperately required an auto electrician. Around Cambridge, auto workshops are essentially one-stop-shops, and so I was lucky that I didn’t have to go to somewhere else. That way I could keep my berries in the fridge the whole time, ensuring that they are as fresh as possible for the next six months.

I’m very lucky that I got my car serviced when I did, and even more so that the mechanics just happened to have a huge, empty fridge.

Road Trip Car Service

Cars / By

My boyfriend and I are going on a road trip this weekend! It’s currently Friday afternoon at 2:30pm and I am pretty much jumping out of my seat at work. I just really want it to hit 5:00pm so I can, for lack of a better phrase, get the heck out of here. I just want it to be the weekend. The sooner I’m out of here, the sooner our little getaway will begin. 

Because I’m in such a rush after work, I made sure to get everything prepared during the week. I packed last night and have my bags in the car ready to go. I also got a car service near Hawthorn on Monday evening, just so I could be certain that my car would be able to make the distance of the road trip. I absolutely don’t want anything to get in the way of my short little holiday. I can’t even stress enough how badly I want to maximise my time away. I even went food shopping the other day so that we don’t have to waste time shopping while we’re away.

It’s sad to say, but it’s not often that I get to enjoy myself. That’s why I’m so excited about this. I finally get to enjoy one of my weekends! It’s unheard of. I’m usually always working, but my boyfriend convinced me to take time for myself just this once. I’m so glad that he did. I’m so excited about going away that I even told my mechanic. Local to Hawthorn though I am, I often forget to connect with my fellow locals. The mechanic was really happy for me. He promised me that my car would be in perfect condition ready for today. 

Wow! I just got the best news ever. It’s now 3:30pm and my boss just told me that he’s happy for me to leave early as long as I make the extra hour up next week. To say that I’m stoked in an understatement. 

What Bow Rails?

Boats / By

I’m really struggling with this job, to be honest. It’s hard when you get randomly transported into the body of somebody who works in an entirely different field to you. I don’t know what I am doing here. Someone asked if I could “weld some fishing rod holders” to his boat, but I didn’t even know what that was. To use a fishing term, you could say I’m floundering.

I never actually heard back from the owner of this body, despite my plea online. So I figured I’d just try my best to get through a regular day in the life of Master of Welding, Tommy. It’s hard. Really hard. Tommy, I have an appreciation for the world of marine fabrication within Melbourne that I never would have gained without this experience, so take that as a silver lining, I guess.

How do people expect you to know the difference between a snapper rack and… the other thing? There’s just so much involved. For example, earlier today I was speaking to one of Tommy’s regular customers, Jimmy. Jimmy wanted to see how the welding of his bow rails had gone. I took him to what I assumed was his boat, but then he told me that it was not his boat, and those weren’t even bow rails. It was a bait board!

That was super awkward, so I pretended to have a fever and told Jimmy he would have to find the boat on his own. From there, I went back to the shop and frantically tried to find out what a bow rail even looks like. I still haven’t worked it out! 

Once again, Tommy, if you’re out there, please release me from this burden. This is literally my nightmare. So whatever black cat you crossed or genie you took advantage of, please fix the damage done so I can get back to my dog and my video games.

– Tommy (formerly known as Lucian)